BOY!
My two little blue-eyed boys are resting their heads on my lap as I write this, and I am filled with love for them. Mothering boys has been a precious experience. To me my boys seem to be more needy of my affection and attention. They clamour to be near me in a way that my bold little girl does not. And I love it. But may I confess a momentary mourning for the girl I had hoped for? It sounds horrible, but I think many mothers can relate.
There is an inherent desire to produce a creature like yourself. It's perverse but true. On one hand, I would never wish for my little ones to inherit too much of my character because I know my failings better than anyone. But on the other hand, there would be an intimacy of understanding between me and that child. And that is something every mother desires. I think women long for girls because it seems safe. As unique as each woman is, we are all women. We inhabit the same realm of hormonal/emotional reality. There is something unreachable in boys because they inhabit a different realm. One established by God to be distinctly different from my own. This makes me uncomfortable-- that there will always be a space between me and my boys that I cannot reach across.
I know that my job description does not require this of me, however. It is required of no man or woman that they know all of their dearest to the core. That job belongs to Another. As long as I can nurture the love of God in each of my children's hearts, I will end my days in complete rejoicing. And, truly, all of my fears over the mysteries of little men pale in the face of the joy I feel over being blessed with another child. Why me? Why have I been honoured with another beautiful child to care for? I am ready.
There is an inherent desire to produce a creature like yourself. It's perverse but true. On one hand, I would never wish for my little ones to inherit too much of my character because I know my failings better than anyone. But on the other hand, there would be an intimacy of understanding between me and that child. And that is something every mother desires. I think women long for girls because it seems safe. As unique as each woman is, we are all women. We inhabit the same realm of hormonal/emotional reality. There is something unreachable in boys because they inhabit a different realm. One established by God to be distinctly different from my own. This makes me uncomfortable-- that there will always be a space between me and my boys that I cannot reach across.
I know that my job description does not require this of me, however. It is required of no man or woman that they know all of their dearest to the core. That job belongs to Another. As long as I can nurture the love of God in each of my children's hearts, I will end my days in complete rejoicing. And, truly, all of my fears over the mysteries of little men pale in the face of the joy I feel over being blessed with another child. Why me? Why have I been honoured with another beautiful child to care for? I am ready.
