Sunday, January 06, 2008

Faith or Foolishness?

As the time approaches for my fourth baby to come into this world I have been forced to admit to myself that my family planning decisions have not been as carefully informed as they, perhaps, ought to have been. The overwhelming desire for children was placed above careful consideration of possible consequences. Often, I exercise a simple faith. The kind that takes refuge in the God who protects and heals and gives, while turning a blind eye to the reality that this same God also taketh away, allowing us to hurt and suffer loss, even death, because that too works into His perfect plan--the one we can't see clearly from down here. Have I made my way to this fourth child out of foolishness or faith?

Caelah truly did defeat me. She defeated my body soundly. I am not convinced a midwife would have been able to spare me a c-section in her case. She was brought to us by means of modern science, where one hundred years ago we both would have died in the process. But then came Elijah. Could I have delivered him naturally? Or did I cave in to the pressure that was being applied by my physicians for another c-section a little too willingly? There have been many "what-if" moments in my mind since then. That decision has defined our family. I will never produce a large brood of children. This is not something Aidan and I had been aspiring to, but sometimes it hurts to know that the choice is no longer ours. Now Gabriel, he came with no thought to anything but the desire for another baby. Destined to be a c-section baby from the beginning, I plunged head long into the pregnancy, happy to be free of hard decisions, only to be admonish several times concerning the haste with which we had done so. I simply wanted another. And I wanted him now!

And now a fourth. No, my surgeon did not make any strong warnings against a fourth pregnancy, but I did not go to him for careful examination beforehand. Nor did I engage any physician in a detailed discussion of the possible complications or particulars of what my body can handle. When they say wait two years between c-sections, did they mean two years from birth to birth or from birth to next conception? If it's the latter, I did not comply. So. . . what have we gone and done? Here is what I know: I have healed well with all three previous babies. I am young, and that is in my favour. I haven't felt any pain or discomfort since these operations. I believe in a God who governs over all things. He covers me over with His care, though I am truly one of his most silly creations. But how much silliness will I get away with, I wonder?

I've gone and Googled "four-c-sections" and "dangers of. . ." and gotten myself a little worked up in this New Year. Here are some delightful scraps:

I've had four C-sections with no problems at all. But after the fourth one the doctor recommended to tie my tubes because my uterus was too thin. I wish I could have more babies...but no more for me...I'll have to wait for grandchildren!!!!

In general, most people in family planning should not have a great deal of concern with having three Ceasarean deliveries. Beyond three, some women will face a substantial surgical risk that needs to be weighed against whether they really want to have that next baby. []

I've had 5 c-sections. Just be careful not to have those babies any closer than 2 yrs apart... your body needs time to heal ! [ Forum]

Scar tissue can do a lot of things to your second c-section was difficult due to the amount of scar tissue in there...everything sticks together like super glue and all of your organs become adhered to each other...and in some women like myself and djh scar tissue comes in mass amounts...I had an abnormal amount of scar tissue and causes pain. I know some people end up with a ther are risks to c's that people don't see in the long run...not meaning to scare you but it is always good to know all of the long term complications... [ forum]

What are Adhesions?
Adhesions are actually bands of scar tissue that form inside your abdomen or pelvis after surgery. As your body heals from surgery, this scar tissue connects organs together, causing them to stick to one another. Abdominal adhesions are a common outcome of any pelvic or abdominal surgery. In fact, they develop in 93% of people who have undergone pelvic surgery. They are especially common after cesarean sections. []

Not sure I needed to share all that with you all, but prayer is powerful. Would you cover me and this little one over with yours?