{::Annorah napping on me. I will miss these days::}January. Fresh new year. The pace has dropped and all is quiet. Well, apart from the hungry squeaks of my precious 5 month old, and other natural and necessary disruptions. I am back to packing lunches and planning out dinner menus. I am, personally, determined to shed baby weight and am bent to the task--jogging and eating carefully. I am striving to learn more about this Christian life, and what are the most excellent ways. Asking big questions. Trying to grapple with the answers I am finding. Looking back at last year, I realize that now, more than ever, I am at home. There used to be weeks where the kids and I would spent every day away- for restlessness. No more. I am so content here. That is a timely and helpful development, as this is where I am needed most.
My days have been governed by the ebbs and flows of child and house care. Along with the ebbs and flows of spirit and emotion. There are days when I am almost dancing with joy. My tasks are easy and rewarding. I have been disciplined in my study of the Word and am blessed with the quickening of spirit that results. And I strive to cling to the high. However, years of this have given me an unwelcome expectation of loss. I will inevitably ride off the rails. I will wake up in a foul mood and be unable to shake it--betrayed by the endorphins than loved me then left me. I will not pick up my Bible. I will not bow my heart to pray. I will try and grimly make my way alone.
But those same years of experience have gifted me with the knowledge that all will flow forward once more into renewal and re-invigoration. New hope. Fresh determination. Growth. Wisdom.
This is a promise I can attest to. The low days are never long. And the high days are things of beauty, unequaled.
Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day.
