The one thing he requires of us in response to deep waters is acceptance. This acceptance is not passivism, quietism, fatalism, or resignation. Peace, joy and faith will not be found in forgetting, and they will not be found in busyness or aloofness or the submission of defeat. They will not be found in the "unfairness" of it all. . . A quiet heart is content with what God gives. It is enough. All is grace.~Elisabeth Elliot Be till My Soul~
Waves of sadness rolling outward from my heart. Tears breaking through the barriers I have tried to build.
Embarrassment.
Inadequacy.
Confusion.
Anger.
Tempest of emotions. Frenetic dialogue in my skull; Not good enough. Never will be. What will people think?--stop it. Child of God. Loved by Him. Good is meant for us. What is the good? What does it look like? Where will we find it?
Soon.
Please?
We are in a valley. It is cold and gray here. We'll catch the chill if we stay.
But we can't stay. This place was never meant for us. Across the plains of grief comes a call that cannot be resisted. We must obey.
We're here now. Perched. Up on the rim, looking down at the bowl of the valley. Teeter. Totter. Teeter. Totter. Tempted to free fall back into the chill. The easy way is down in the depths. Simple submission to our humanity--bitterness, self-pity, withdrawal. . . Comes naturally. Feels instinctual.
But our feet are meant for different soil. A path is open to us that is infinitely harder, yet infinitely more beautiful. We have no choice but to take it. There is a coil of steal rope that has anchored us to this path. It can't be broken. Or untied. It pulls us. Pulls. Pulls.
We follow.
Harder: Denied the right to wallow. Guaranteed no protection--not from anything that will make us more like the Son. Not from anything that can be used to refine and perfect. Locked in a battle against a weaker self that longs to be exalted.
More beautiful: Mingled tears of compassion. Warmth. Arms braced in support. Love.
Growth. A certainty of good things unseen solidifying in our humbled souls.
Acceptance.
and therefore I have hope:
22 Because of the LORD's great love we are not consumed,
for his compassions never fail.
23 They are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
24 I say to myself, "The LORD is my portion;
therefore I will wait for him."
25 The LORD is good to those whose hope is in him,
to the one who seeks him;
26 it is good to wait quietly
for the salvation of the LORD.
27 It is good for a man to bear the yoke
while he is young.
28 Let him sit alone in silence,
for the LORD has laid it on him.
29 Let him bury his face in the dust—
there may yet be hope.
30 Let him offer his cheek to one who would strike him,
and let him be filled with disgrace.
31 For men are not cast off
by the Lord forever.
32 Though he brings grief, he will show compassion,
so great is his unfailing love.
33 For he does not willingly bring affliction
or grief to the children of men.
40 Let us examine our ways and test them,
and let us return to the LORD.
