I have been raised in love. I have always had family and friends who care deeply about me. And yet, a single ailing relationship, or unloving encounter, can make me feel alone and small. Why? Why do I draw upon the love and acceptance of others as a lifesource? Why does rejection feel like a blood wound, draining away my confidence and joy?
I know I am not alone. There are women in my life, even now, who are hurting so deeply because of a suffering female relationship. They have wrapped up so much of themselves in it that when it is unsettled their joy is taken from them. Why is she ignoring me? Am I an unworthy freind? Am I not godly enough for her?
Women have always been the most deadly critics of other women. They know how to wound with precision. They know how to judge. They know how to look another woman over from head to toe, inside and out, and then make a diagnosis of all the ills they have found. Why do we do that? So that we don't have to look at ourselves. Because we are jealous creatures. Because we have not learned how to love. Most importantly, because we have not accepted that God is our judge, and Christ, our saviour is the anchor of our identity.
Hagar. I think of Hagar. Fleeing into the wilderness out of, both her own pride, but also the cruelty of Sarah. She had nowhere to go but away from there. But she was not left alone to wander. She was called back, and sent home again. "You are the God who sees me . . ." God did, seemingly, bring Hagar comfort that day despite the pronouncement of some very harsh truths. But Hagar did not respond with bitterness to any of the unhappy things she had been told. Instead she said; "You see me." Was this her comfort? That, though on earth she was nothing but a servant and pawn without any respect or love for her person, to God she was known truly?
Spurgeon:
. . . but he is here, close by my side, and not by me only, but in me; within this heart; where these lungs beat; or where my blood gushes through my veins; or where this pulse is beating, like a muffled drum, my march to death; God is there: within this mouth; in this tongue; in these eyes; in each of you God dwells; he is within you, and around you; he is beside you, and behind, and before. Is not much knowledge too wonderful you? Is it not high, and you cannot attain unto it? I say, how can you resist the doctrine, which comes upon you like a flash or lightning, that if God be everywhere he must see everything, and that therefore it is a truth, "Thou God seest me."We have a God who, being the Knower of Truth--and Truth itself, reduces the judgments of Men to mere whisps of smoke, without form or substance.
"A man skilled in the human heart might interpret my deeds and translate their motives, but he could not read my heart as God can read it. None can tell another as God can tell us all: we do not know ourselves as God knows us: with all your self knowledge, with all you have been told by others, God knows you more fully than you know yourself: no eye can see you as God sees you—"
I have been chosen out of eternity as a daughter. I have been loved from the dawn of everything. How can I let the tide of another woman's affections for me sway my own peace and joy, when the love of my God is unwavering and eternal? A call to you hurting ladies; find your joy in Christ, not other women. We are blessed with female companionship, certainly, but we will fail one another. We will say hurtful things, and be thoughtless. We will make judgments and be neglectful. We will not love and cherish one another as we should. But we will be loved and cherished nevertheless. By another.
