Monday, June 22, 2009

::Passed through me::

". . . my children [have] passed through me on their way into life."

These are the words of a mother of twelve, marvelling at the honour of being a bearer, no matter how temporary, for her beautiful children. I was struck by the sentiment. It resonates with me. Here I am--a fifth baby in my womb--only 5 weeks left to hold her inside me. I will never hold another baby in me again. I want to grasp this fully now so I can cope with the loss of it later but life is too busy to slowly savour these last days. I feel her move and wiggle and already I find I am looking beyond to her days of independent life--outside. Encompassed by the warmth of family, but on the other side of my skin.

I have heard that this feeling of loss will revisit me when they each leave home. There will be a new sense of parting and mourning as they leave the inside of family life and pass through to a life apart from Aidan and I, and from their siblings. I brace myself against the pain I suspect will be involved in that. Yet that parting can be held off for years. This parting is imminent. Nine months, five times over, is what I have been given. And we have arrived at our last few days.

There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under heaven--the Ecclesiastical saying goes. This season is drawing to a close. I will mourn. But not for long.